The Healing Connections That Can Enhance Well-Being
Written by Radhule Weininger
When I listen to my clients, I am surprised by the current distress and fear many feel. Their worries seem less focused on personal matters and more on the insecurity they experience on a collective level about our country and the world. Given what is happening socially, along with the backdrop of a developing climate crisis, this comes as no surprise.
What attitude might help address this tremendous amount of stress? I think back on a study by my friend Balfour Mount, a professor of palliative care at McGill University. He and his colleagues conducted extraordinary research. They interviewed 40 patients with life-threatening illnesses and divided them into two groups. The first group of 20 experienced great suffering and anguish, while the second group felt a sense of grace and well-being. The research delved into each patient’s inner life during their illnesses to uncover the reasons for such a divergence in experience. This study may provide insights into enhancing our sense of meaning and well-being during these difficult times, especially given the uncertainty of when or if the situation will improve.
Half of the individuals interviewed in the study reported well-being and a sense of wholeness despite their illness. They expressed a sense of meaning in their lives. In contrast, a lack of meaning caused anguish in the others. Participants experienced meaning when they developed what the researchers called healing connections. Through these bonds, individuals began to feel alive and expressed a sense of equanimity and security. These healing connections accounted for the notable differences among the interviewees.
Connection 1: Our Relationship With Ourselves
The first healing connection concerns our relationship with ourselves. One patient, Susan, reported: “I discovered a peaceful energy inside of me, maybe truer than I had lived on the surface before.” She added, “I now could forgive myself for mistakes I had made in the past.”
Another, Robert, reported: “Without that pain, I would not be who I am today, and I would not have learned and grown. I like myself today.” Peacefulness became a quality of life that might not have existed before the trials the participants endured.
Connection 2: Our Relationships With Others
The second healing connection concerns our relationship with others. Alan, who suffered from cancer, said: “I am fortunate to have all these loving people around me. If it were not for this crisis, maybe I would not be so touched by their love.”
Connection 3: Our Relationship With the Larger World
The third healing connection concerns the phenomenal world. For some people, this might be nature. Jean said, "There is a sense of presence when I see the beautiful tree outside.” For others, the doorway to deep connection might be music, painting, the touch one receives in a massage, or the calming sense experienced through mindfulness of breathing.
Connection 4: Our Relationship With Meaning
The fourth aspect involves the healing connection to ultimate meaning. During such an experience, one may feel a profound sense of unity with the cosmos or the "more," which some refer to as God. There can be a feeling of surrender and a perception of being part of something greater, something that transcends our human narrative. These states of being are often accompanied by a sense of ease and love. Meditation, prayer, or time spent in nature might be doorways to such an experience. Research also shows that meaning and well-being often emerge as by-products of feeling deeply connected and part of something larger and more enduring than our personal selves. This can lead to growth and the development of wisdom and compassion. Conversely, suffering was usually associated with isolation and meaninglessness.
How to Develop Healing Connections
What can we glean from this study that can help us improve our current collective and personal challenges? I propose that the skills we need to face a threatening illness are similar to those we need to face our collective crisis. The four healing connections are paramount to living healthily during times of difficulty.
Connection With Self: It is essential to increase our self-care regimes. It is also necessary to work through and disentangle inner conflicts, as they sap life energy and focus. It is useful to call a therapist when needed, as inner ease is a crucial refuge.
Connection With Others: Having supportive, kind relationships with a few others is also important. This allows us to feel connected, helpful, and strong. Interconnectedness is our original nature, not isolation and alienation. Supportive relationships can also be expressed as service when we help others. Standing with our friends, loved ones, and others in need can demonstrate courage and meaning and contribute to a better world. Coming back to our natural human state and to a sense of meaning through being compassionate to others allows us to experience ourselves as whole human beings.
Connection With the World: A relationship with nature helps us experience interdependence, wholeness, and being part of a beauty more significant than our small self. Nature, music, or painting also allows us to feel humble and peaceful. For many, meditation is a bedrock practice that helps us to focus and relax and not get stuck in ruminations. On a deeper level, nondual meditation allows us to touch the ground of being and reach a place inside, where something in us is unafraid and does not die.
By developing these four healing connections, we can stay present, engaged, and connected to the world around us.
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References
Mount BM, Boston PH, Cohen SR. Healing connections: on moving from suffering to a sense of well-being. J Pain Symptom Manage. 2007 Apr;33(4):372-88. doi: 10.1016/j.jpainsymman.2006.09.014. PMID: 17397699.
